...I don't always now the reason. But still, here they are:
"Lately I've gotten into steampunk. You know who'd be great for that? Humphrey Bogart. Humphrey Bogart would be a great character for steampunk."
"My dad came home from the war, and what happened nine months later?"
(Rises slowly out of his chair and grins)
"We were all babies once. I have one in my life right now...I'm always thinking, was I like them? I guess I must have been. I prefer to think I was more like a puppy."
"No I'm not strictly Apple. My home computer is a PC. Much better gaming quality."
"Sometimes on quizzes I ask what year the Treaty of Paris of 1763 was signed, just to see how many people choose the wrong answer. I feel naughty when I do that."
Prof: "Look at pg 164, it'll be on quiz #3."
Student: "Like a map, or the text, or what?"
Prof: "...something on page 164. I'll let you know when I know. It's a very confusing page, isn't it."
"We look at people diagnosed with cancer and 5 years later, if they're still alive, they hurry up and write it down before they drop dead of cancer. And that's how we get our cancer surviving statistics."
(Studying clothing of the 20's) "Oh hey, there's a lady with an insufficiency of fabric about her."
(Studying clothing of the 1800's and corsets) "Imagine the body under this. Guys, undress her with your eyes."
(Handing out tests and fumbling with the papers) "Please don't talk while I'm doing this. I feel like I get to yell...Also when you're talking I can't grab these papers. It's your fault my fingers don't work. Don't you feel guilty now?"
"What do junkies do in their spare time? Externally, it may look like nothing, but internally they're watching home movies. Their minds create endless entertainment."
"What is wrong with this picture? Besides the nazis. I mean, what's the worst thing about them? Besides the fact that they're nazis.
...Their fashion sense! TERRIBLE."
"Yeah, Egyptians look like Mexicans."
Student: "Can we get extra credit for writing about the food?"
Prof: "Vietnamese food is it's own reward. You don't need points."
Student1: "Will you tell us the origin of Thanksgiving?"
Student2: "Aliens"
Prof: "Haha, that's right. Actually, I know Thanksgiving came from aliens because my dad thought it was acceptable to use oyster dressing. Dressing with oysters in? You're not human if you enjoy that."
Student3: "What's wrong with oysters?"
Prof: "...Are you admitting you're an alien?"
Prof: "I've worn one kind of pants all my life. What were they?"
Student: "Leather."
Prof: "...................................I classify leather pants in the same category as rubber suits. Also, my problem with leather is it's cold."
"If you did that, back in the good old days when we knew how to handle heretics, you'd get burned at the stake."
